


The Dorito Incident

by SyntheticHappiness



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Crack, Doritos - Freeform, Doritos Drinks and Regret, Fluff, Forced Sleep, Human Bill Cipher, M/M, Oneshot, Poor Dipper, Slightly Creeper Bill, bill goes on an adventure, hah should have used that as the title, might be considered nsfw? idk, never leave your demon unattended for long periods of time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 12:30:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4522029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SyntheticHappiness/pseuds/SyntheticHappiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What’re you hiding Pine Tree?” Bill peered over from where he was sprawled out on the worn couch, his eyes focused on the boy’s hands which were hidden suspiciously behind his back. </p>
<p>“I may have gotten you a gift while I was at the store…” Dipper said, biting hard at his lip to keep from smiling, “It just reminded me of you too much to not pick it up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or in which Bill and Dipper make a series of poor choices. But mostly Bill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Dorito Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [that one anon](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=that+one+anon).



> A short oneshot in response to an ask we got about just what the 'Dorito Incident' was.  
> Thanks anon XD I was hoping someone would ask.

“What’re you hiding Pine Tree?” Bill peered over from where he was sprawled out on the worn couch, his eyes focused on the boy’s hands which were hidden suspiciously behind his back.

“I may have gotten you a gift while I was at the store…” Dipper said, biting hard at his lip to keep from smiling, “It just reminded me of you too much to not pick it up.”

Bill immediately perked up, rolling unceremoniously from the couch to the floor before springing back up and over to where Dipper stood. He thrusted his hands forward expectantly, buzzing with excitement. It wasn’t everyday the demon got a gift from someone other than himself… and even rarer to be a gift he didn’t force the other to give!

“Close your eyes, dude.”

Bill groaned lightly but complied, anticipation building as his mind raced through the possibilities of the gift and their probabilities. The knife set he wanted wasn’t high probability wise but Bill had been sure to drop more than a few hints about it the past two weeks… Maybe Pine Tree wasn’t as oblivious as he had thought? Unlikely, but a demon could hope, right?

Dipper failed at keeping a straight face as he carefully placed the unwrapped bag in Bill’s outstretched hands, trying his best to keep the crinkling noises to a minimum.

“Okay, open them.”

As soon as the first syllable left Dipper’s lips, Bill’s eyes were already shooting open, a wide smile was spread across his face as he peered down at….. a snack bag?

It was vibrant blue in color and had “Doritos” scrawled across it in a bold font. Tortilla chips were depicted on the front under text that boasted a “Cool Ranch” flavor. Whatever that was supposed to mean.

“I don’t understand, Pine Tree, in what way does this human snack bag remind you of-”

Dipper couldn’t contain his laughter anymore, his hand flew to his mouth in a sorry attempt to stifle the sound. Bill’s eye flashed dangerously between the triangular tortilla chips on the front of the bag and Dipper’s flushed face as understanding clicked in his mind.

“Oh. So that’s how it is.” His voice was tight with barely contained fury and Dipper gasped for air, trying desperately to get himself under control again. He could feel the shift in Bill’s mood and knew the light hearted joke had just gotten him into risky territory.

“Okay, I’m sorry, I’m done, I’m done.” Warning bells were going off in his mind and he attempted a neutral face, making it as far as meeting Bill’s unamused gaze before breaking down again, laughing harder than before.

“That’s enough.” A demonic growl sounded from Bill and it didn’t take much before Dipper was tackled to the ground. The teen curled in on himself, both hands coming up to cover his face as he tried to turn away, laughter making his body spasm beneath the demon.

Clawed fingers pried Dipper’s hands from his face and pinned them to the ground on either side of his head. Bill forced his face uncomfortably close to Dipper’s as he snarled, “ _I said that is enough!"_  The demon’s pupils had started to stretch and red rings were visible around the usual golden amber, "Do you  _want_  nightmares for the rest of your pathetic mortal life?”

Dipper gulped, unfurled his body and tried to convey his sincerity, “Okay okay! I’m sorry! It was in bad taste, I shouldn’t have teased you like that. Please don’t, I haven’t slept in two days and-”

“You haven’t been sleeping?” Bill cut him off. The boy had secluded himself the past two days and Bill had let him be, figuring he was recuperating from his previous severe lack of sleep (decidedly not entirely the demon’s fault). The heavy bags under Dipper’s eyes proved that he had been doing anything but.

Dipper sighed, pulling his hands free from Bill’s grasp so that he could rub at his eyes, “The book series I’ve been waiting for just got in and I need to finish it, I’m fine. I just had a short shopping break, so I’m good to go.”

“Simply taking a break from reading doesn’t equate sleep, you know.” The demon reached up to card his fingers through fluffy brown locks, his previous anger melting away in the soft curls, “You need to sleep.”

“What I _need_ is to know how this series ends,” Dipper chuckled, leaning into warm fingers and letting himself relax for a moment, his exhaustion apparent.

Bill narrowed his eyes, “If you don’t go to sleep by yourself, I’ll do it for you. I won’t let you get sick and die on me, Pine Tree.”

Bill flattened his hand to press heavily against Dipper’s forehead, a threat.

The boy’s eyes widened as he struggled to push the demon’s hand from his head, “No. Bill don’t, I won’t die, I just need to know how it ends, you don’t understand- Don’t you dare!!”

“Shhh, just think of it as my gift back to you…” There was a slight tingle as his hand illuminated blue for a moment before fading away alongside Dipper’s consciousness. He smirked at his small act of revenge; there would be time for more later.

Bill stared Dipper’s unconscious form for longer than he’d like to admit before he finally stood, slung the limp boy over his shoulder and carted him up the stairs. Dipper was dumped onto his bed before Bill got to work on pulling off his shoes and maybe a few layers of clothing more than absolutely necessary. Finally, Bill tugged the blankets up around the boy and leaned back to admire his work.

“See how nice I am, Pine Tree?” The demon lingered, his hands itching to mess with the vulnerable, softly breathing human.

With a heavy sigh, Bill forced himself back downstairs and threw himself back on the dingy couch he had claimed for the past two days. All this time he had so courteously given his human to rest up, and the stupid kid had spent it obsessing over a damn book series.

Bill let out a growl of frustration, his eyes landing on the offensive blue bag glaring at him from across the room where it had landed during Bill’s brief scuffle with Dipper. The demon stalked over to it and snatched it up violently, ripping the bag open with slight satisfaction before returning to his seat.

The spiced smell from inside tingled his nose and Bill looked into the bag with pursed lips. On one hand, Bill really did not want to touch the things Dipper had used to make fun of him, on the other hand, they didn’t smell half bad… and it’s not like the human would know if he didn’t leave any evidence. If he asked, Bill could always tell him that the entire bag had been burnt to a crisp in his fury and Dipper would be none the wiser.

Bill picked up one of the chips and raised it to his lips, his tongue darted out to taste the flavor before he crammed the whole chip into his mouth. A sound of pleasure was torn from his throat as he stuffed another in after. Before long his hands became a windmill motion, as he went through the bag chip by chip.

By the time he was finished, seasoning was clumped heavily on his fingers and the demon moaned throatily as he sucked it off. He stared at the empty bag mournfully before taking it outside to burn it.

The demon burnt the bag to ashes and then burnt the ashes as well so that a thick cloud of smoke was all that was left and that too was quickly dispersed in the strong breeze.

Bill was back on the couch, flipping aimlessly through the television when the sounds of Mabel, stopping by to get supplies before heading over to her friend’s for a sleepover, and Stan, grumbling his way to his room with too many cans of soda, filtered through.

Heaving a bored sigh, Bill settled on taking a quick ‘nap’ to visit the mindscape and recharge.

 

* * *

  

It was around midnight when Bill’s eyes snapped open, losing their blue glow as the demon returned completely to reality. And with him came the ever present craving for those infernal chips.

After about thirty agonizing minutes, Bill finally resigned himself to his fate and dragged his body up to Dipper’s bedside. He tried a few futile nudges to Dipper’s side in a half-hearted attempt to wake him, but the boy didn’t even flinch. Bill didn’t need to be a dream demon to see that the kid was out like a light and wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon.

Bill dragged his hand down his face with a frustrated groan. Why did his human have to have such bad sleeping habits now of all times- when Bill needs him; the constant, nagging, _need_ for the damn chips was near overwhelming.

He turned to face the window, the triangular shape mocking. Never had he thought he would see the day that triangles would do such a thing to him.

“Bill Cipher what have you gotten yourself into?” the demon muttered, still staring out the window when his eyes caught on the glint of Stan’s car down below. A sick grin threatened to split his lip as an idea formed in his mind.

It didn’t take long for him to snatch the old man’s keys and wallet from his nightstand, and then he was on his way. The vehicle was easy enough to control, he had gotten Pine Tree to explain the basics once, and he knew the route to the 24/7 store well enough after hanging around Gravity Falls for so long. Parking was a little bit more difficult than he would have thought and the car ended up partially on the curb and obscuring more spaces than should have been possible.

Bill eyed his sub-par parking job before giving a shrug, he wouldn’t be gone for too long, just enough time to get a bag or two of chips and go. He’d be so fast, nobody would even have time to notice the car.

The demon sauntered up to the automatic doors, fluorescent lighting spilled out from within to illuminate the ground before him, beckoning him. The doors opened with a whoosh and stale air-conditioning following shortly after to ruffle his bangs. He grabbed a cart as a last minute decision and pushed it quickly through the store, scanning the aisles, the sharp click of his shoes marking his progress.

With the screech of rubber wheels on polished floor, Bill turned abruptly down a promising aisle. Half way down, he found what he was looking for; the blue bags sang to him as he scooped one up and into the cart. Another followed shortly after…and another.

Bill scrutinized the three large ‘Family Sized’ bags. Was it enough? If his sapling liked the chips as well then he might want to pick up a few more... plus the kid owed him after spending his free time reading rather than recuperating. Bill tossed the remaining 12 bags into the cart.

He had almost made it to the check out when something else caught the demon’s eye. There was only a slight hesitation before 3 bottles of tequila and two of Combier joined the mix. What Dipper didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him, Bill reassured himself.

At check out Bill was proud to have remembered to bring the stupid human currency cards and handed one of Stan’s many to the cashier. He wasn’t even glanced at as the lady took the card from him, her weary voice asking if he wished to round his purchase to the nearest dollar and donate the difference to a charity. Bill smiled in spite at Stan and cackled out an affirmative. There were a sigh, a few clicks, a slide, and a dull thank you followed by a “Have a nice night.”

“Oh I will,” Bill promised, taking back the card with a wicked smile that went entirely missed as the cashier turned away.

Once the many bags were transferred safely from the cart to the car, and the rude note found under his windshield about his parking job burned to a crisp, Bill was on his way back to the shack, more than ready to start his night.

It took Bill three trips from the car to the kitchen; the doritos were piled on the table and floor and the liquor on the counter. After opening the fridge to find the lime juice and popping open a bag of Doritos, Bill was ready to get mixing.

 

* * *

 

The first thing Dipper thought as he woke up was that it was hot- really hot. He tried to push the blankets off with his hand only to find his arms were restrained to his sides as he was held tightly against a bare chest that radiated heat. It was then he noticed that, in addition, something hard was pressed firmly against his back.

Dipper felt a flush spread across his cheeks and his already sweaty body heated up even more. It was then he started noticing the other things as well, like how it smelt heavily of sweat, alcohol, and… doritos?

Dipper forced his sleep heavy eyelids open, squinted in the bright light of the mid-morning sun, and took in his surroundings. The boy promptly squeezed his eyes closed again, dread beginning to form in his stomach.

There was still a chance this could all be a dream, just a dream, a small chance, but a chance nonetheless. His thoughts were interrupted by Bill moving from behind him, his cock flush against Dipper’s back as he unconsciously humped the boy.

Dipper let out an unmanly yelp at the hot, moist feeling, and forcefully clawed his way out of the overheated inferno. His knee made an unexpected crunching sound against the bed as he tried to escape, drawing out another alarmed noise from the boy. Dipper scrambling backwards onto the ground in only his boxers as he tried and failed to process what he was seeing.

Bill lay naked on the bed, the blankets disturbed from Dipper’s escape. A sea of Doritos lay atop the comforter surrounding where the two had lain. The wall and slanted ceiling above Dipper’s bed were also scattered with the chips, glued to the surface with some sort of adhesive. Dipper squinted closer at the wall and saw that someone had taken the time to draw limbs, an eye, bowtie, and top hat on every single one of the goddamn chips.

Dipper’s eyes drew down to where his own clothes were somehow neatly folded next to the base of the bed. Beside them were countless empty bags of Cool Ranch Doritos and a couple discarded black sharpies. He ignored a large glass upturned with a clear liquid puddled beneath in favor of arriving at the unfortunate centerpiece of the display: ‘ALLWHAYZ WHATCHIN U’ was written in what may or may not have been blood, slanted messily above where he had slept and framed by the numerous ‘Dorito Bills’.

Dipper could only sit and stare dumbly before a pained groan came from the bed and startled him out of his shock.

Bill was starting to come to, his eyes blinking open and losing the hazy blue glow of the mindscape as he was returned to his wrecked human body. He yawned loudly before flinching and massaging his temples. “What’re you doing over there Pine Tree? Com’re. Wow, my head feels funny.”

“Bill Cipher.” Dipper growled at the demon, eyes narrowed in anger. The boy stalked over to the bed and snatched his hands from his head to force eye contact, glaring at him.

The demon only raised an eyebrow before lightly flinching again at the movement.

“Clean. This. Up.” Dipper spat out with all the self-control he could manage.

Bill contemplated the demand for a second as his eyes wandered the boy’s body, he was flushed to the chest in barely restrained anger and clothed only in a flimsy pair of boxers with an endearing triangle pattern spattered across them.

“Hmmm, Nope!” Bill smirked up at Dipper before tugging him forward forcefully, causing him to tumble forward and into Bill’s waiting arms. The demon wrapped himself tightly around his human, humming in content.

Dipper was shaking in fury, his face felt like it was on fire from anger and embarrassment, “BILL! I SWEAR-”

Bill’s hand quickly shushed the boy, “ _Shhh_ Pine Tree, it’s a gift!”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) Feel free to check out the Billdip cosplay ask blog I co-run at asktherealcipherpines.tumblr.com
> 
> -Clover


End file.
